Struggling Through the Stress of Social Anxiety

It never fails. Every time I am invited to a social gathering, the stress of social anxiety works overtime. I worry about what I’m going to say when people actually talk to me. Can I just duck in the kitchen and hide, pretending I am really hungry?

I try to sneak into church without being noticed, but inadvertently some people see me and call me over to catch up with each other. After church ends, I am one of the first ones who rush out the door and make a beeline for the exit, hoping to avoid the afternoon social small talk that is so common with the church members. If a pastor stands near the exit and shakes hands, I give a quick shake while trying to avoid any conversation. If I am with friends, and they stop to talk to someone, I stand awkwardly aloof waiting for them, hoping they will finish soon.

Social anxiety has always been a huge stress in my life. I used to have a husky mix and as I walked her down my street, neighbors came out of their houses to chit-chat and visit her. I felt trapped; I couldn’t escape sometimes for 20 minutes.

Every time someone wants to socialize, I go into panic mode, for I struggle with maintaining small talk. Even when going out with a few friends, I still have to force myself to keep up the conversation. In college, at lunch, I sat at the table with the other girls in my class and kept my mouth zipped. They usually ignored me, and I finished my meal and crept away back to class by myself. In high school, I was labeled as the quiet one.

Combatting Social Anxiety is Possible

So, what do I do to combat my social anxiety? I started by learning conversation skills. I then studied the notes and practiced some techniques.

Before I go out to a social event, I write a list of recent exciting or distressing happenstances in my life and memorize them, so when they ask, “What’s new”, I am ready to fill them in. I then try to implement five or six different conversational techniques during the course of our conversation.

Proverbs 18:24: A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

When you are with friends, you must be open to sharing personal things about yourself and willing to listen with your heart to what they want to talk about. This is the key to establishing a deep, intimate relationship that lasts through thick and thin.

Proverbs 15:2 The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.

When we feel bored with shallow small talk or have to force ourselves to keep the conversation going, why don’t we do away with idle chatter and instead turn the conversation to deeper and more spiritual subjects? Then we who have social anxiety can shine. We won’t struggle for words because we will naturally flow in the subjects we love to share our knowledge about. If the people you are with make an excuse and pull away, then they are not worth being friends with because they don’t have any depth. God can give you more meaningful friends.