Gaining Control Over Crazy Thinking
When I have an episode with crazy thinking, like most schizophrenics, it’s difficult to fully recognize the absurdity I have deviated into. My descent into madness is sudden, without warning. It is usually triggered by an occurrence that disturbs me emotionally or mentally, one that upsets my sense of peace and safety. My emotions heat up and I react by losing soundness of mind.
After describing these episodes to my psychiatrist, including the resulting anguish, she tried to help me perceive reality, but I wasn’t convinced. Then later I poured out my anxiety and stress over these mental slips to my therapist. She walked me through a method that helped me to take control and fight these delusional tendencies. The key to overcoming them is to recognize when my mind takes a turn in this direction. I need to be able to observe myself, as though I am outside myself and objectively evaluate what I am thinking and how I am reacting
If I catch myself, which isn’t easy, and takes practice to become familiar with the common manifestation of my crazy thinking symptoms, I then can take action. I MUST attempt to convince myself of the true reality which contrasts the distorted reality I have believed in. This is a wrestling match, for I have to have the courage to trust that I am not thinking rationally and that most likely these thoughts are just twisted madness.
2 Corinthians 5:7 (For we walk by faith, not by sight:)
It helps to talk to someone who can offer a more realistic perspective, but again, it is a matter of trusting what he or she says versus what I am perceiving.
Psalm 44:15 My confusion is continually before me, and the shame of my face hath covered me,
I Am Not Alone in my Fight
The Spirit of God helps me immensely with distorted thinking. He brings to my mind the conscious awareness that I am not thinking realistically, reminding me that this is just a symptom of mental illness, and then I begin the process of overturning the delusions with the truth. I do still often fail to catch myself until too late; then I feel self-conscious over how I have appeared to others. But with each episode, I am fine-tuning my perception of my own crazy thinking and gaining ground.
Psalm 22:24 For he hath not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither hath he hid his face from him; but when he cried unto him, he heard.
God always reminds me that He has provided for a sound mind in the atonement (2 Tim. 1:7). He assures me that He wants to help me when I am thinking irrationally, and to turn to Him and let Him work to bring me back to reality. If I struggle all by myself, I fail to gain the victory. But when I listen to the Spirit and then engage my spirit to restore my loss of soundness of mind, I make headway. It is a FIGHT, and it never goes away. It just becomes a little easier the more I recognize the all-too-familiar symptoms that have manifested.
This is not reality, is it? What is reality? I have to ask myself. When I trust the truth, my mind feels relieved. Now I see how that was just a delusion!
Psalm 54:4 Behold, God is mine helper: the Lord is with them that uphold my soul.
Without both my therapist and the Spirit of God, I would get nowhere. God cares about every one of His children who struggle with distorted thoughts. He loves to restore, heal, deliver, and give peace of mind for each episode of unsound thinking. And a good therapist can help bring you from delusion to truth. I can’t change my diagnosis of schizoaffective, but I can manage the symptoms. I don’t have to let them manage me.
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Sound Mind Seeker
I am a Christian woman who has lived schizoaffective disorder and anxiety for over 25 years. This site takes its readers into the depths of mental illness and anxiety from a Christian perspective, and how God has helped me cope with and manage my mental struggles.
