Food Fears

So, I go to the grocery store and pick up some canned spaghetti. This looks tampered with… The label is all messed up. This is my enemies attacking my food before I buy it… You just can’t win, can you, with this illness? Nope. Food fears. I have lots. Lots, lots, lots.

I am sitting in a restaurant; my nerves are on high alert. What if they poison my food? Or put drugs in it? I am so scared…I tremble as I take every bite. It’s a never-ending fight to live a normal life, despite food fears of my enemies’ attacks. When will I ever feel safe?

I live with this fear daily. Every time I eat or drink, I am afraid. If I leave a drink in my refrigerator and leave the house, I discard it when I get home. Can’t trust it. If I open a can or package from the store and it looks or tastes funny, my heart jumps into my throat and I throw it out while trying to catch my breath.

1 Timothy 4:4-5 For every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving: For it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer.

God’s Sanctification Power Helps My Fears

How do I manage to consume my food and drinks? Prayer. I pray that God will sanctify it first. I once heard a testimony about a pastor who ate poisoned food while visiting a new friend. The man was attempting to take his life. Because the visiting pastor prayed a sanctification prayer over the food first, the poison didn’t affect him.

Mark 16:18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

I have drunk metallic-tasting liquids, salty-tasting liquids, sweet-tasting water and milk, bitter-tasting liquids such as orange juice, and even toxic-chemical-tasting drinks. I have eaten food that tasted like strong cough syrup was added, food with spices like cloves or garlic added, or with other additions, including toxic-tasting pesticides. It’s hard to know when you eat or drink something whether it is safe. I just put my life in the hands of the Almighty and take a chance.

It’s a Daily Fight

Isaiah 8:12-13 Say ye not, A confederacy, to all them to whom this people shall say, A confederacy; neither fear ye their fear, nor be afraid. Sanctify the Lord of hosts himself; and let him be your fear, and let him be your dread.

Over the years, with my mother constantly saying, “Just eat it” whenever something tasted funny, I have gotten bolder and my trust in God has grown. I know that is a very trying ordeal to order food or drinks or buy them, never knowing if something has been added. The stress doesn’t diminish. I have turned to taking a supplement to relieve my anxiety instead of medication. I have tried deep breathing and other stress-relieving techniques, like watching Christian comedy shows. These always help, at least until the next time I eat or drink. Then the food fears come to the forefront of my mind, and I must force myself to be brave.

This paranoia that causes me to fear harmed food is a part of my schizoaffective disorder. I know that sometimes it may be all in my head, but because food has tasted off to me in the past, I live with the fear that every gulp or bite could be my last. Does it ever get any easier? No, but because I have had nine prophecies spoken over me throughout my twenty-eight years of being a Christian, with most of them not fulfilled yet, I feel reassured that God will keep me safe until they manifest. A few of them are just starting to happen. I am excited.